Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize