I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
