Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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