so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
