I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
