I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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