You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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