So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
