Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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