this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
