I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
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im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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