No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
