Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
