guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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