Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize