Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
