My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
