Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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