the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You left your phone here
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