i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
