Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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