Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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