you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
