pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
