sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
