she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
