First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
