my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
