Do you still have your period?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
