piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
