Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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