i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
