I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
