he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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