3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All the doctor said was why
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
