like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
