walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
