Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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