return my video game
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
