His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
