it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
