the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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