Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
