puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
