i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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