Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
