So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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