I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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