wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
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I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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