Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
