they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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