Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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