HIV tests are more positive than that guy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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