There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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