That's intense
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize