I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
