Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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