Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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