So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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