I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
