I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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