Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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