My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
