I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
