Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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