i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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