i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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