Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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